Lady Fair vs. Cat the Clown

I should warn you that the following is about how I feel so if you don't want to read about feelings, feel free to move on.

Sometimes (many times) I wish that I was quieter--not such a clown: someone who tries to be funny all the time.

Why can't I be content with silence?

Why does it make me so uncomfortable?

What is my deal?!

What's wrong with me?!

It's almost like silence is my arch nemesis and I just want to say something funny so I don't have to deal with it or maybe I think that the only way people will like me is if I make them laugh, who knows?

Besides, who wants to marry a clown, anyway? I don't want to be a rough and boisterous woman.

But then again, I love to make people laugh! I feel like it is a huge accomplishment when I make people laugh. (Whenever I make my father laugh, I feel so proud.)

I don't know who I want to be, I guess. Maybe I should just be in the middle of the two. I just want to be the kind of woman a good, kind, gentlemanly, funny, handsome, smart man would marry. I also want God to shape me into the kind of woman He wants me to be but it would be nice to know who that is.

Well, those were just some of my thoughts. I better go.
Sincerely,
Cat